A Monday morning lesson recently gave me a lot to think about.
I’d planned something I’m genuinely passionate about – understanding behaviour – and expected an active, lively session. Instead, the room felt flat, and I found myself adapting ‘in action’, assuming it was simply “Monday morning energy” or my delivery.
But when I reflected properly afterwards, I realised the issue was much deeper.
When I asked my students whether children are “born naughty,” most genuinely believed they were.
They also believed they were.
To them, behaviour was an inbuilt flaw rather than something shaped by circumstances, relationships, needs or experiences.
I was genuinely taken aback.
It made me consider what these young people have repeatedly heard about themselves. If you’re consistently labelled as “the problem,” it’s no surprise you start to believe it. Many struggled at first to see that behaviour always has a reason – a “why” – and is not simply a child choosing to misbehave.
By the end of the lesson, some began to recognise factors like tiredness, hunger, stress, hormones, family difficulties or emotional overwhelm as genuine drivers of behaviour.
How sad that they had never been encouraged to see behaviour through this lens before.
What struck me even more was this: the students carrying the heaviest challenges in their own lives were the ones who most strongly believed that children are “born naughty.” Their lightbulb moments were powerful, but the mood was heavy – as though they were confronting years of labels they had internalised.
And it raises something far more serious than just a reflective question.
What does it do to a young person’s wellbeing when they genuinely believe they are “born naughty”?
Let’s be clear: carrying that belief doesn’t stay as just a label. It becomes a narrative.
“I’m naughty” quickly turns into “I’m the problem,” “I’m not good enough,” “I don’t deserve better.”
These are the beliefs that quietly fuel anxiety, low self-worth and a deep sense of being undeserving. I see this often in my work – whether training practitioners, supporting parents, working with students, or delivering behaviour and trauma-informed training. The pattern is the same: when a young person internalises the idea that they are the issue, their wellbeing pays the price.
Children aren’t designed to sit still for long.
They aren’t “naughty” for struggling.
And they should never be made to feel foolish for not understanding something.
Behaviour is communication.
There is always a reason.
Empathy is not optional – it’s essential.
This experience has reinforced exactly why I do what I do at Circle Training & Support. Whether I’m working with parents, practitioners, children’s home staff or students, my aim remains the same: to help people understand behaviour through compassion, curiosity and knowledge – not blame.
If our teenagers are already carrying these beliefs about themselves, then we have a responsibility to get it right for our children and young people now. Their wellbeing depends on it.
Add comment
Comments